Things I miss about cable television:
. Cirque du Soleil broadcasted every so often on Bravo... I miss this the most.
. Junkyard Wars (and everything else on TLC). Yes, even a random "Wedding Story" mush fest once in a while.
. The Travel Channel. This channel is great on lazy weekend afternoons.
. VH1
. The Weather Channel. The web is a great substitute, but not on a dialup, and I miss a few of the specials.
. seeing The Simpsons static-less without having to stand next to the television holding onto the antenna.
. The Discovery Channel

Happy Valentines Day!

I love you with all of my heart, Matty.

"They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them."

"The dance of fear and desire, the duel of friction and gravity, the deadlock of speed and security. This is skiing. Your fingers so cold you can hardly grip your poles, your eyelashes stuck together. Your skis carving a graffiti message of perfect arcs into winter's white indifference, winter's pale skin, the language of linked arcs, circle talk, S-curve whispers in the wind, spindrift flying off cornices, frost feathers in the snow shooting back darts of light, that first light in the first moments of the first run in the first morning of the world, diamond sparkles, angel dust in the air..."

I'm getting the bug in me again. It's the time of year where I either need to start thinking about getting out there on the slopes or just call it another year. I think we may finally have some decent snow around here, and we're supposed to get another eight inches or so over the weekend. Yeah, I think Wild Mountain or maybe even Afton Alps are in my near future.

The fuse is shortening and I'm scared it's about to
BLOW.

I found this amongst some text files I've written and kept on my computer. It's apparantly from September 12th, 2001.

'I drove near downtown Minneapolis tonight on a freeway interchange that I have always loved because it gives such a beautiful and unadulterated view of the downtown skyline, which is especially gorgeous at night. I know that I find so much comfort in the beauty of this familiar sight. The New York skyline was dramatically changed yesterday, and it will be a while before we know if it will ever be the same again. To see such a dramatic change will be an ever present reminder for the New York people of the tragedy that occured. The numbers of estimated deaths keep fluctuating, but already they are unimaginable. There will be a gaping hole in their city, which represents a much larger gaping hole in the survivors' lives.'

And from September 26th:

'I have a sticker that says, "Not all who wander are lost." That does not apply. I am wandering and confused and don't know what to do with myself. I've lost him. I've lost my connection with the most wonderful man I've ever met. I'm trying to figure out where to go next, what to do to make the pain a little more bearable. The thing that is killing me is that I think things could have been better. One more shot. And that is too much to ask now. I have had an awakening. My heart has spent the last two weeks in a strange solitude and during that time has come to revelations. Unfortunately, much too late. I am a mess of anger (at myself), frustration, promise, and pain.'

My mind was jumbled up muck then. Not that I'm any less jumbled up now, but I'm definitely not so mucky. "Hello sunsine," he said this afternoon. Not only was it there drying the roads, but it has found it's way back into my life as well.

*deep breath* What's the exchange rate for British pounds to US dollars??

The Industrious Clock (via EvHead)

I couldn't be happier for you, Eric. It seems just right this time.

*ACHOO!*... And on that note, I'm off. Left work after being there for a half hour, and need to take this time to sleep and ditch this horrible nasty bug.

How did I get so lucky to have you to love me? How did your paths cross at just the right time in our lives, causing some pain and heartache, but in the end, turning into a love more grand than I could have ever imagined. You make me warm inside. I love you, Matt.

Happy Loni Anderson Day! (um?!?!) (via Highelf)

I've hardly had a spare moment to stop and think lately, and when I do, I usually end up falling asleep. Been spending a ton of time with my Matty and Ben and more recently, Evan, who was home for a couple of weeks on break from school at UOP. It's been hectic, but nice. The negatives aren't so negative anymore. And the positives, well, they're incredible.

I don't get email anymore. Haven't had anything more than one or two mails a day from mailing lists for about a week. I'm losing touch again, but with things and people that were nothing but detrimental. I just miss those few that have kept me going when I needed a little nudge, or even to be completely held up.

I need a new roomie. Or I need to get out of my current place. Problem is, I've lived here for four and a half years and I'm paying cheap rent because we have a mortgage. Long story. Boring details. But anyway, my roomie is my cousin. Not exactly easy to discuss problems with nor to kick out on a whim. I'm frusterated over little issues that have stacked up over time to become big issues. I brought them up and discussed them to the best of my abilities long ago. Nothing has happened to resolve them. Here I sit getting pissed off and slowly growing more animosity towards a family member. This is not cool.

My life has been taking huge turns for the better, then got a little confusing again, and resumed a path of some familiarity, but better. The last few days I've just been poopy though. I usually blame it on lack of sleep, but I've been getting 7-9 hrs every night for a couple of weeks now. I don't think it's horomones. I don't think it's what I've been eating - been munching much healthier than usual for a couple of months. Perhaps it's post-holiday let-down or something of the sort. Or just utter blahs over my living situation plus fears about friend's situations. Whatever it is, I need to figure something out to cure it fast. I was enjoying my bliss way too much to let it go so easily.

I fear this may be the first green Christmas I've ever experienced. It's been a wonderful 25-45 degrees for days now, which I love, but there are none of those messy, beautiful, cold, white flakes on the ground to make it feel as wintry and Christmasy as it should. Here's hoping Mother Nature gets a streak in her this week.

From a forward sent to me by a co-worker. Almost makes me want to make fruitcake.

Wow, just typed an insanely long post about how much I am hating myself right now, and it got lost in the land of 404. It's probably better that way.

rryn: dayve
rryn: are there different types of corona
dayve: yes
rryn: like what
dayve: corona and corona light
* rryn reads the encyclopedia-o-liquor-i.e.-dayve
rryn: that it?
dayve: Neither me nor hate have seen anything else
rryn: hehe, nate?
dayve: Yeah
rryn: how many ya had?
rryn: t'nite
dayve: noe
dayve: noe
dayve: noe
dayve: WTF
dayve: none

Dave rocks.

Yummy.

I can't believe what a lazy ass I've been. I'm going to put something here. I don't know what, but something. Or at least make it look a little nicer. Haven't been much in the mood til now. It's been a strange and horrible last few months, but things are most definitely looking up. Hooray for straight up natural happiness. :o)

Managed to get absolutely zilch done last night and doing the same nothing tonight. Been sittin around, took a nap, playing online, did some laundry, which I suppose counts for something. The week started off just snazzy, and has kind of hit a lull, but tomorrow's Friday and I'm looking forward to the weekend. Nissa is going to be in town as well as the other things there are to be happy about. Might go out to the casino tonight with #kr peeps just to get out of here. I need to get started on some Christmas shopping as well. It's coming faster this year than last. The lack of snow on the ground (other than the few gorgeous white days we had last week) has made it all to difficult to know what season it's supposed to be, let alone three weeks before Christmas.

"I want wisdom on tap, flowing like water...
"So kiss me one last time, before I take my flesh away."
~ "Flesh," Jan Johnston

Mexican food is evil. I feel like I'm rotting from the inside out. :P

"Traveling, traveling..."

"there's always one worth waiting for

'oh the reason the night is long is very simple..
i imagine, tonight, that we can get along..
that nothing i can do with you is wrong, tonight..
if its okay to touch you,
it's alright to think 'electricity'
maybe it hasnt been so long..'
rainer maria."

Blatantly copied from Sulk. Thank you, btw... it's beautiful.

"All that was true is left behind." It was a random IRC quite message, but smacked me over the head tonight. Something very true and very real in my heart is being set down and left to wilt because it cannot be what I need. I am so saddened and hurting to think what might have been, but what can no longer be because feelings and hearts change. My heart is so ready for something deep and true and comfortable. But unfortunately, desires often don't keep up with needs and cravings, mine or otherwise. I can only wade through the muck of my emotions and hold onto the promise of sunshine.

Oh so sadly true! Sinfest rocks.

And this, my friends, is how we learn who really gives a shit. I have made little to no effort to get in touch with anyone over the last couple of weeks, and I am finding out some very interesting things about who my real friends are. Kind of entertaining.

SNOW!!! And lots of it! I'm loving the return of winter this year! I kept glancing out the windows at work today and couldn't help but grin when I saw the white flakes flurrying around. We got several inches, a good dose of wind, and it's pretty chilly out there. Quite a 180 from a week ago, sunny and in the 60s. I am so excited to hopefully catch a little more time on the slopes this year to make up for the last five or so of nill. Weeeeeee!!!!

My mother is good at sending me tear jerking forwards. I usually don't read them until days later when I am looking for something to do, but I am rarely ever disappointed. I hope this one is a true story; even if not, it is a good read.

"Caller ID

On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes.

When he tried again she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on their merry ways. The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone that he'd used that Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to know why he'd called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd intended to call his wife. The man said, "That's OK. Let me tell you my story.

"You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!" The reason it showed on the man's caller ID that the call came from Almighty God" is because the church that the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!"

What a gloriously long weekend it has been. I'm not even fearing the whole Monday thing tomorrow. I'm going into a busy week catching up from last, but I prefer it that way anyway.

I managed to catch myself yet another cold. And so begins the winter cycle of having a cold for two weeks, none for another two to three, then another cold for two more. I stocked up on meds and kleenex today so I should be fine. Flu shot at work on Tuesday, which I'm hoping will not make me feel as cruddy as some of the stories I've heard. In years past I've only had a sore arm, which I most definitely can handle, even on top of the "sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, and fever." :P

The Max Graham set was fantastic, and nearly perfect. I was worried about how the night might go as it started out pretty sour before we all went down to the Quest, but once I started getting into things I lost track of anything other than the music and the way it was making me feel, which was incredible.

Vend-a-prescription... hopefully popping up in gas stations and grocery stores soon, too. :P

The Official Ramen Homepage. Not sure what makes it the official one, but hell, anything to do with ramen... (via chrome).

I'm starting to see a pattern here. Something tells me XP may not be what it's cracked up to be after seeing two of their billboards defaced posted in the internet in a week's time.

I hope anyone that enjoys astronomy is planning to go watch the Leonid Meteor Storm tonight as it is supposed to be quite a shower. I'm waiting around impatiently to head out to the country, find some dark sky and enjoy the show.

It's a bad shot, but ya get the idea. I'm so excited for this concert. Max Graham is a kickass trance DJ from Toronto that I first heard of less than two months ago, went completely crazy over, and here he is soon after. I thought of it at random points during the day today and started grinning like a monkey (to steal remni's phrase).

Bored out of my gourd and I don't care for once. I've been out and about and keeping my mind busy for days on end, weeks even. Being alone in a quiet apartment feels good for a change.

Will anyone ever be happy with any new software or OS? Still gotta give em props. :o)

[rattus] as long as it doesnt smell like tunas are going to your shower to die
[rattus] I dont see a problem

No, Ian, thankfully my apartment is not THAT nasty.

I've already signed up half the people I know...

from Batcave early this morning:

[poopyhed] what the hell is going on tonight?
[poopyhed] is there this wave of suck that i missed today?

I would say so, TJ.

agh

I keep waking up after only a few hours of sleep. I have had this happen before, but not to this extent. I am only worried because of the major feeling of dread that I keep awaking with... the feeling that I am supposed to be doing something or should not be sleeping for whatever reason. Matt called it apprehension. I think he may be right.

"I just needed someone to talk to, but you were just too busy with yourself." (donno who sings this song that I keep hearing on 93X and getting stuck in my head...)

I don't know what this is right now. I just can't stand the thought of people looking at anything I had here previously. This is it for now. I plan to put up something eventually, probably sooner than later, just don't have the energy nor the motivation right now. Things are ... too confusing for words.

If you have any interest in contacting me, please do so. ICQ: 1454977, email: corryn@corryn.org, AIM: Cxrrxn

[SadPhyre] "sometimes you just want to enjoy life for the simple pleasures instead of always competing"

I think this man just summed up the majority of any adult life I've experienced, as well as much of my adolesence. I am somewhat blown away.

dammit, dorfy. now i want tator tot hotdish. :o)

Word of the Day for Tuesday September 18, 2001:

quagmire \KWAG-mire; KWAHG-\, noun:
1. Soft, wet, miry land that shakes or yields under the feet.
2. A difficult or precarious position or situation; a
predicament.

.... boy, if that ain't the truth. :P

Sometimes hope is painful.

Some people try to look at the stars, but the darkness gets in the way.

Thinking who's arms I should have been going home to last night made me sink into a new spot in my mind and my heart. I am trying to think about how things can only get better and all of that, but it is also hard to think about the wonderful future that may not be in store for me now. I am up and down and up and down as far as my emotions go, but not in the usual way. I am numb on the outside, and deep down, I am feeling emotions that I have never known before. I am trying to not be selfish, and realize this may be the only way right now... and to be optimistic.

"Here I am, waiting to hold you"

"My affection is your infection."
~ X-Cabs, "Infectious"

I had a fairly restless night last night, as the night before. I don't quite know what to do with myself. Just waiting things out and hoping for the best. I am thinking too much and, for some reason, can only keep the good in the front of my mind. It is making it all too hard to not know where I might be a week from now.

"Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..." (if only I am let in)

Just when I was starting to finally be able to relax... someone points out this. (via Chrome)

Apparantly Arafat doesn't get woozy at the sight of needles.
(via Da5id)

Today was the most exhausting day emotionally that I've faced in a long time, probably forever. I woke up this morning to knocking on Matt's door by Devon telling us everything that had occured in New York a few minutes before. Horrifying. Disgusting that anyone can hold so much hatred towards others.

Tonight I experienced a pain in my heart that I have never felt to this extent before. I am hurting someone incredibly dear to me. I am terrified that I can be the cause of such sorrow. I can only wait, and communicate what I am able to, and hope that I have not severed the ties of the most wonderful love I have ever known. My heart is breaking, and my head is numb, so nothing more can be explained right now.

Tool - "Schism "

"I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them fall away
mildewed and smoldering, fundamental differing,
pure intention juxtaposed will set two lovers souls in motion
disintegrating as it goes testing our communication
the light that fueled our fire then has burned a hole between us so
we cannot see to reach an end crippling our communication.

"I know the pieces fit cuz I watched them tumble down
no fault, none to blame it doesn't mean I don't desire to
point the finger, blame the other, watch the temple topple over.
To bring the pieces back together, rediscover communication."

"one of the best quotes my brother has ever provided:
'ask for rediculous things, because sometimes, people say "yes"'"

via FictionSuits

This is the only proper way to sum up last evening's party:

"[22:56] [tbsoup] HOw did this party turn into slapstick bondage."
(Duct tape and drunk people don't mix... or mix quite well, depending on your point of view.) One fucking good time, I tell you.

Sometimes I just don't care (or at least I like to think so.)

"Children should not have to pay the price of the failure of adults to live together in peace."

What the fuck is wrong with people anyway? I've been seeing way too much displaced agression lately, from people all around me, even at work. It's horrifying.

On my fortune cookie tonight: "He who has not tasted the bitter does not understand the sweet."

It felt too much like a Monday today. Things went fine at work, but it was hard to stay motivated and I ended up leaving early just because I could. Sometimes a half hour can make all the difference. I stopped at the bank to cash a check and came back to find Matt still at home, which was unexpected and a wonderful suprise. We ran an errand, I took a short nap (yay!) and we went out for pizza. Thankfully, one of the best parts of a long weekend, is a short work week. Three days until a fun weekend.

"Man Receives Polka Punishment." (via Matt)

Ben, Devon, Matt and I went to the State Fair on Saturday. It was quite a day, got up early after too little sleep, went out there and drove around for a half hour trying to find a parking spot, then began a long, but fun romp around the fair grounds. The weather was beautiful and everything that you'd expect out of the MN State Fair was there. We ate too much, played too many video games, got lots of free crappy propaganda, and rode the Space Tower for a beautiful view that stretched way farther than I imagined it would.

Yesterday was spent with family in the 'burbs. I hadn't seen my parents for two months so it was wonderful to get a dose of Mom's hugs and Dad's silly sarcasm. It is a little easier to be around them now that I am doing what I want to do and supporting myself. They are still constantly worried about me, but I can deal with that.

I've been basically spending way too much time at the House of Skark (a.k.a. Matt's place), but it's been going better and better. I'm never quite sure if I've worn out my welcome or not, but it's difficult to leave when things are pleasant. I'm happier with my boy than I've been for a while. I'm always more sure of what we've got together and where we are going. Love feels good.

A plane is going overhead. At a distance it sounded like the wind starting to blow fiercely and I got a little tingle of excitement thinking a storm was brewing. I want it to be winter for a day or two. Sitting in my cubicle at work, I can't see out any windows, and there is very little obvious reflection from any of them either. It is very hard to tell what it is like outside without walking near the door. I often get strange feelings that it is dark and rainy or cold and snowy and windy outside. It makes it so much more comfortable to be sitting right where I am. I am often disappointed to go outside when I'm done and find that it is steamy and the sun is blaring. I don't know where this comes from.

I have too many irrational fears. I dread things that should be commonplace and appreciated. I dread lonliness and the unknown.

Beth looks somewhat like my cousin. Maybe I'm nuts, but there is a resemblence in my eyes. I have been an avid reader of her site for a couple of years now, and always felt some sort of kinship to her, maybe this is why. This is very very ood, especially since I very rarely see my cousin and know so little about her. I am crazy.

It's just not my thing anymore. Problem is, I donno what my thing is. But definitely not many of the sadly lame aspects of my current situation. *sigh*...

I am so pleasantly happy with certain pieces of my life, but I'm having a hard time working on other areas without affecting that which I do not want to affect.

"All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms."
~ "Enjoy the Silence," Depeche Mode

Red Lobster's biscuits are too good. I don't like waking up at 3am with a craving... especially for something I can't have... and something I just had in excess less than twelve hours ago. :P

I have this insatiable need for understanding. It was like a brick hit me over the head tonight when I realized this. I mean, I've always had an inkling that that was my problem, but it's becoming obvious to me that it is the source of much of the pain I have been experiencing lately. When I am truly struggling and feeling like I can't handle it, it's because I am feeling unaware of the situation, or that I do not have any clue what is going on. I am constantly trying to explain, in my head, or outloud, what is occurring, or what will occur, or how someone is feeling. I get quiet and the thoughts start to overwhelm my mind, trying to make sense of it all. I often reach for music in hopes of drowning out the jumble, and making some peace. Other times I just drown in it and get down on myself for not being able to participate or contribute. Grr. I've often been blaming the problems on lack of communication between myself and others, but it's deeper than that, though that is most definitely a seed. I am more than pleased at this realization, even though it is just another mess in my mind to deal with, it is one that I can encounter knowingly (ugh, what a vicious cycle!). I am becoming more comfortable with my self, and I know that I say that all too often, but it is more and more true all the time. I am more comfortable in my own mind, things are starting to make a little bit of sense inside, so I can relax and let things be confusing on the outside, and perhaps even realize the joy in a little confusion in life.

This is semi-creepy. Hauntings fascinate me. Probably because I've never seen the effects of one. Though I still believe.

I think I NEED to go to this.

Janeane Garofalo (at the Historic State Theatre)
9/22/2001 8:00pm
$34.50, 29.50

*drool*

To anyone else the weather this week would be perfect, highs in the 70s-80s, lows in the 60s, and "partly cloudy" every single day. To me it's boring and too hot. I miss snow and rainstorms and all the good stuff that makes it nice to cozy up indoors for an evening.

"We were trapped in something we didn't understand. It trapped us without us even knowing it. Perhaps it was his manner."

I love satellite pictures. Just to the right and just below center is the building I moved into almost four years ago. So much has changed since this picture was taken. The area has exploded into more housing and the retail/office area just west on Burnsville Parkway has been developed and modernized. I am seeing so many changes even since I have been there.

What a spectacular picture. I am awed. And look at this sky.

I am so caught up in the event that is Burning Man. Thousands of people are making their way out there as I am typing for apparantly one of the most incredible art and people experiences available. Here I sit reading all there is to read about it, looking at images from years past, and hoping I find my way out there sometime soon. It needs to happen.

We won $4 between the 11 of us that bought the Powerball tickets at work. heh...

This man (left):
was born on my birthday. Many years earlier, mind you. His name is P.T. Barnum, as in Barnum and Bailey's Circus. How cool. :o)

In addition, Huey Lewis and several filmmakers I've never heard of (i.e. Jon Cocteau - right):

Hah. (source)

This has gotten me thinking about how serious of a study astrology actually is. There are many days of the year that have very very few famous people born on them, or at least that this website knows of. July 5th is one of them. Most of the others have ten or more. So I guess either I'm really special, or really boring. Most likely the latter.

I do believe the entire world is bored tonight. Is there ANYthing happening? I guess I'm not trying all that hard - far too tired and lazy at the end of the week lately to feel like finding my way out of the house.

On a more interesting note, I've never seen these things before this week. Have you? Apparantly Pluots have been around since 1989. Beats me how I happened to miss them in the produce section for twelve years (!), but I'm glad I stumbled across them. Yummy. The weird and delicious things they're doing with science....

Hmm, are these first two games of preseason any indication of the rest of the year ahed for the Vikings? Let's hope so. There was something about the vibe going through the city last year when they were in the playoffs. The big purple V on the side of the skyscraper in downtown Mpls, and the Vikings flags on every other car you'd see, gave us away.

It was a relatively boring day at work. And that was the most exciting part of my day. Weeeeeee

fucking a. i hate people sometimes.

It is a female name in Greek. Make up your mind people.

It is also listed on a page of Celtic male names. Hrm...

so not true.

Apparantly, from another source, my name is a male Welsh name meaning spider. That's almost more accurate.

Everyone's going lottery crazy the past week or so. The Powerball jackpot is something like $280 million right now. It's fun to listen to people dream about what and who they would spend the money on. I went in with several people from work on 55 tickets. All day they were talking about how much we would each get if we won one prize or the next. I had to grin when someone said we'd all walk into work together on Monday and say, "See ya!"

It would be fun to never have to worry about having cash for the weekend, or enough to fill up the gas tank. I'd love to say, "my treat," a lot more often. And clothes, shoes, and music... I'd go hog wild. ...so many people's debts I'd love to pay off. Several worthy causes I'd love to donate to. Funny thing is, I'd probably still drive my car until it died. It would just get a nice fixing up. I'd probably still end up buying another Honda when it finally gives out on me, too. :P .................. *dream......*

Charlize Theron is way up there on my yum list, but oh my....

i should just keep realizing how lucky i am, rather than dwelling in how undeserving i am.

fuck if i can figure anything out right now. god. i'm kinda down on my faith in things, mostly myself, as usual. i'm starting to worry that maybe i'm not really worth it to anyone. hope i just need sleep.

Got pics back from the Ely trip today. I need a scanner. :P (and I need to start taking more photos on a regular basis... there were still pics on that roll from Xfest!)

Ely and Burntside lake were gorgeous as usual. It's very strange to come back to the city, even after only two days out. It's such a completely different world up there - trees everywhere you look, and the quiet is so quiet that it's almost loud. I got a few more pictures this trip and will post them soon. I have many more mental pictures than film pictures, though, which are, unfortunately, a little harder to share.

The thoughts are so much clearer out there. Less distractions and more freedom.

We drove through the evening on Friday and found our way through a raging thunderstorm near Hinckley. We arrive at the cabin late, went to bed and awoke to a fairly cloudy day. We canoed and napped and drove partway up the Echo Trail, a winding gravel road that eventually finds it's way into Canada, to see EdgeShave Lake. We had supper and s'mores and spent the evening relaxing. Saturday night's sleep was a little bit more restful other than a wake up call from Kato, the crazy black cat, at 3am to be let out. Sunday was spent reading old "Life" magazines (her collection is enormous, and circa 1940's), and doing other "cabiney" type things. Matt and I spent the evening canoeing across the bay and down a dead river. We ran into a beaver eating an evening snack, who chewed away for quite some time, swam smoothly by us, and chewed some more on some plants just behind us. I've never been so close to one in the wild. Quite trippy. The river was beautiful beyond words. The water, calm as can be. The foliage, greener than any other green I've seen before. There were lilypads everywhere, which made the most wonderful swish as we paddled our way through them, and when we'd stop, the silence was overwhelmingly delicious. It made me start envying those that found that land before us. It used to be like that everywhere - such a strange thought.

Here we are back in the hustle bustle of the Twin Cities metro. Lights always on, cars always passing. I enjoy it, but I'm actually starting to wonder if it is where I always will want to be. I think I always get like this after vacations to the lake, though. :P It, too, shall pass. hehe

I want to live a timeless life. If not forever, at least for a couple of years. My internal clock is insane. I always know what time it is within a few minutes, when I've been awake, and within an hour when I've been sleeping. I turned off the Windows clock and it's already getting to me not being able to glance down there every once in a while and see where the Earth is in it's daily rotation (at least in the central timezone).

Starting tomorrow evening it will be a timeless life for two days. Yay, Ely.

Double standards are not cool. Things should not be cool for one person and the end of the world for another. Sure situations differ from person to person, but the reactions shouldn't change drastically unless truly provoked. Just my rant for today. Wee...

I've been really up and down today. Matt was sweet as usual beside me in bed this morning and that always starts my day off well. It was cloudy and cool, which I love.

Work went well for a while, then started to drag on and on and on and on. Then I started thinking about too much stuff and worrying about everything I could possibly worry about and getting tired and all in all just getting cruddy. I started talking to Jim, the guy on the other side of my cubicle wall, and it ended the workday alright. He's a freindly guy and started talking to me about CONvergence and AnimeIowa and stuff like that.

I went and got some work done on the car and was pleasantly met by some really cool people at the Honda place. I left an hour and a half later, $40 less in my pocket, with a happy car. Then my car started shuddering at high speeds. I called them when I got up to Matt's and they said I needed to come down and get them balanced (another $50) or get them rotated back. Matt and I drove down there and told them to go ahead and balance them cuz I needed the tires to stay like that anyway. We left to go get food, and the night went to shit from there. We ended up bitching at eachother over pizza. I get so upset over dumb stuff sometimes. I lost it because the waitress was a little rude and various other things. I kept my cool and would've been fine, but that's not how things work with us.

Finally we ended up back at Honda and I found out I have a bent rim, which was what was causing the tire problems, and they had rotated my tires back to their original position. Apparantly I have to just leave them like that until they wear out now or replace the rim for $150. Yuck. I thought I would be able to get quite a bit more life out of those tires, but I guess I deal. So much money has been put in that car, but I can't help but love it. It's going to hit 200,000 miles this weekend on our trip. So weird that I've driven over 120,000 miles in my life already. So, the car thing made me a little upset.. I was out 20 bucks for a service that got performed and then unperformed.

Things got a little better from there on out. My car drives a lot nicer with fresh oil, which will be nice for the weekend, and it's freshly washed and vaccuumed. I got my blog working again. I managed to take a five minute cat nap earlier, which always improves my mood, just long enough to get drool on the pillow. Tomorrow we're barbecueing, doing some laundry, and packing up to head out right after I get off work on Friday. Three days of peace and quiet, here we come. :o)

"Bored people." ~ Highelf

Dear god.. I got it working again. Shame on me for not looking at when my last successful post was and realizing it would've been the post right after that causing the problems.... wee. So. Hi.

"I used to think that i could never lose anyone if i photographed them enough. In fact, my pictures show me how much i've lost."
~ Nan Goldin, photographer