I've been dealing with some crap at work for about a week and a half. Misunderstandings over hire dates and wages and such. I was told one thing by the temp agency over four months ago, and here I am being hired on by the company for much less than was promised. Or so they thought. I decided that I can no longer be a sucker and took some action. After way too many calls back and forth from the temp agency to the company and from me to the temp agency, we came to a very nice (on my end) compromise. I am fairly proud that I stuck it out and got what I wanted. It's also a huge weight off of my back. In two months I will have benefits, including the medical and dental insurance that I've been needing for a while. Now if they'd only cover car insurance. :P

It's scorching out... at 11:30 pm. We went into Bobby & Steve's, a huge kickass gas station, to get icees tonight and the counter guy announced that it was 90 degrees out... at 10:30. That's not right. Thankfully a shower cures a lot of evils. The last half of it was almost ice cold, quite purposefully. I washed away a lot from the last few stressful days.

"How bout me not blaming you for everything. How bout me enjoying the moment for once."
~ "Thank You," Alannis Morissette

Lucid Insanity

Wee. Boredom.

"You'd be surprised how different the view is on the way out than on the way in."

"This is the kind of day where any kind of definition you try to make is inherently false."
~ Ben (again... what a smart guy. :o)

In the past I have not been much of a fan of Tool's music. I don't really know why. But as I listen more closely to the lyrics, I am becoming more and more intrigued. It is truly poetry.

A year and a half ago seems like much longer sometimes. An evening of so much fun mixed into a time of so much pain in my life. Unfortunately the fun was mostly just an alcohol induced frenzy of meeting neat new people (Aaron and his crew) whom I have seen very little of since. Gatherings of IRC people seem to turn into drunken frenzies quite often. I'm not sure what to think of this. Either computer geeks really know how to have fun or are sadly pathetic. :o)

Going through one of those trip down memory lane things today... and wondering where everyone is and what they're up to. Time to get off my ass and get back in touch.

"Life is what happens while you're making other plans." ~ John Lennon via Ben

I have an idea of such an ideal in my mind. I daydream of it all too often. I don't know if where I am at is all I can hope to achieve or if there really is a chance for me to reach some of these things I wish for. I am a simple person deep down, but somewhere between my head and daily life things turn complicated. I wish for simplicity. I strive for it. I know that I am trying too hard. In other areas of my life as well. And it all turns to muck.

Borrowing yet another Dori.... She always finds the best stuff (maybe why I'm at her blog almost daily). "Where's the PLUR?!"

Area One was today. I've been looking forward to this day for a couple of months now. I was kind of let down, but overall it was fun. Unfortunately I missed the majority of the artists that I had wanted to see (Carl Cox, Nelly Furtado, Incubus, Rinocerose, etc), but it was very cool to finally get to see Moby and Paul Oakenfold perform live. We also managed to walk in right in the middle of The Orb's set, which pretty much made the ticket price worthwhile in itself. For some reason they're just one of those groups I never thought I'd have the opportunity to see live. Very cool...

One of the flyers floating around announced Crystal Method, Uber Zone, and HYBRID in August. I'm shaking in my boots, I'm so excited! I bought the newest Hybrid cd a few weeks ago and said something about how cool it would be if they happened to tour through here soon. I had no idea it was actually a likely event! Weeee! :o) Not to miss. Not to miss. For anything. Maybe if I am dying or something. Even then I think it would be my last wish. Mmmm.

This is what's wrong with the whole census thing.

I trudged my way into the basement of Matt's house tonight to wash some clothes that were getting pretty nasty after a really hot and humid week. I do not like that basement. We joked when they first moved in here that it's worse than the "Blair Witch Project" basement. Unfortunately, we weren't really joking. Roach traps (not empty), a live roach here and there (ugh), and to top it off, tonight I noticed a flattened mouse that looks like it has been trampled on a few times by unknowing tenants. I don't need reminding anymore to never go down there without shoes on. Gross.

But despite the disgusting moments every time I went downstairs, it was a good day and evening. I was on time for work for the first time in at least a month. Not that I care all that much... it was just a precursor to what my day would be like. I got a lot done at work and got the worst crap of the week out of the way (anyone feel like blowing up FedEx with me? :P). Went to McD's after work with Ben and the boy, came back to their place and watched Pulp Fiction. I've seen that movie countless times, but I think this is probably the first time I've ever actually gotten much out of it other than a couple of hours of entertainment. I have previously had a hard time following the crazy dialogues, which tonight, made all too much sense.

I am numb.

teehee :o)

Went down to the Quest on Thursday night to see Adam Beyer spin. What a show! Jack Trash was on when we arrived and though I'm pretty sure I've seen him spin before, I was pretty impressed with this time. Supposedly he was goofing up a lot, which is understandable considering he had been spinning for four hours, but my fairly untrained ear didn't notice a bit and I loved the house he was spinning. I was a little tired going into it and easily entranced by the booming bass that Mile High always brings to a show, but about a third of the way into his set (which I'm guessing was about two hours long), he broke out some really hard boomin tribaly techno and I couldn't help but be enthralled. My feet started movin and I was goin nuts the rest of the night. I donno what it is about that stuff. Anything with jungly bongos or this strange beat that I don't know how to describe. It kind of bounces and echos off of itself. yum. There's a strange sound I keep hearing in lots of it that's either a really high pitched bongo or some sort of wood block or claves that I love to death as well.

The rest of the night was spent running around to a couple of different Walmarts to dig up a Gameboy Advanced, which I'm loving. I just need to get some of the games for it, which are way more expensive than I expected. For now it's the old versions of Tetris and Zelda. :P

I am so optimistic when I've had enough sleep.

"I love you all, thank's for letting me be stupid just long enough so that I be great forever."

I read this in an open letter from a mailing list I'm on and was awed. That is such a perfect representation of my emotions towards those around me lately. I've been running around in circles screwing up important aspects of my life and those that care about me have been nice enough to just let me make my mistakes and learn my lessons the hard way (which seems to be the only way with me most of the time).

I know there's something strange going on. Even looking past my weird imagination and worries, there is something that's just not quite right. I know this. And it hurts. I wish I could figure out how to confront it or at least how to deal with it without just shoving it aside. I do that with way too many problems... set the aside until I become somewhat numb to them or until they go away entirely. Then there are the petty every day problems that I confront head on and should just let be. My priorities are in the right place, really. Where do the wires get crossed?

I have an ideal in my head. Good, simple, loving, nurturing, and fun relationships. It's just reaching the ideal that gets complicated. I would like to say it's the people I've come to befriend in the past few years, or my location or various other odds and ends that are causing it, but I know that in the long run, it is actually me who is the problem. I am changing, but in odd ways. And I'm pretty sure that my changes just aren't the right ones to suit my new environment. Where to go from here.........

Someone needs to develop a method of allowing people to sleep less and accomplish more. I'd love to be able to work in the day and get done and play all night. Too much good stuff goes on at too many different times of the day. "Burning the candle at both ends," as Mom calls it. My candle is mmmelllltingggg. *yawn*

It's been an odd day. Woke up just about every hour on the hour last night from various activity going on around here or bad dreams or mosquitos buzzing in my ear or what have you. Had to go to work on about five hours of sleep and actually had a somewhat productive day... until I left 45 minutes early because I couldn't stand it anymore. :P Took a shower, crashed for a short while and it made the evening that much easier to face. It's weird how much lack of sleep affects me. Kind of scary. I end up biting people's heads off then just disappearing into my own little world for a while to avoid conflict. It's not pretty. Well, looking forward to Friday tomorrow then the weekend. :o)

http://pub50.ezboard.com/bchvliveson

Okay, so I'm getting lazy. I need to find that site that keeps track of your bookmarks when you're not at home. Here I am rotting at the House of Skark for the second week in a row and it's very difficult to keep track of cool sites that I find. Thus I post them here.

This looks snazzy and useful for da other tranceheads out there.

I don't understand the need for complexities and complications. I'm a simple person. I prefer simplicity in most aspects of my life and am getting frustrated with the arguments and the confusion and the messed up webs we weave in relationships with other people. I've lost faith in many people over this very issue in the past few years. It's hard enough to trust people most of the time, and then to find that they are really just slimebags like the rest of em is really disappointing. I'm not referring to anyone in particular, so if you think that, it's your problem. Just know that. Anyway....

I've been slacking. Blog wise, paper journal wise, life wise. It's been way too easy to sit on my ass this summer and do not a lot of anything other than work seven hours five days a week. But I've been having fun and learning more than I could ever have asked for. Life lessons have been coming at me from left and right the past couple of weeks and I'm feeling so much better about so many things in my little world. Hehe, it's obvious by the fact that I'm actually motivated to work on this silly site again. :P