I met Jen, a Priorfatgirl, at an event of hers in early May. She has lost 100+ pounds and created for herself a much healthier body and lifestyle. Her message, along with those of the people she surrounded herself with, changed me for the better. She is hosting another such event on Saturday, August 6th, and I hope you will consider joining us!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Rebuilding
(I am hoping this post isn't too much of a downer. It is meant to be mostly analytical and to express the hope that I am holding in my heart.)
Years ago, I struggled to know who I was. I was focussed mostly on being what other people wanted. My life has changed dramatically since then and now I'm spreading my wings. Part of this entails forming new relationships of all types. This has never really been my strong suit. I'm an introvert. I'm shy. I'm very cautious around new people until I feel that I can let loose, and most troubling of all, I so often feel like I can't relate.
Being an unmarried, childless, newly solo renter, immediately puts me in a different category than most of my 30-something peers. In addition, my hobbies and interests sometimes feel like they are, not only a little strange, but generally not very condusive to forming close friendships. I'm a little bit geeky, but not geeky enough to talk shop. I don't keep up with any of the popular television series. I don't have cable and every time I sit down to a flick, I feel like I'm wasting time. I'm sort of crafty, but the crafty world always feels mostly like a place of solitude while diligently working on the project of the moment. My physical hobbies, biking and running, are most comfortably done solo. I hate the idea of not being able to keep up with those around me, like I'm too out of shape to go at any pace but my own. I love to garden and cook, but am not well-outfitted for either at this phase of my life and both are generally done alone anyway.
Worst of all, I have a difficult time carrying on a conversation. I am not an opinionated person. I live by a "to each their own unless someone is getting hurt" policy. I don't really care much about what is going on in the pop culture world. I try to avoid getting too wrangled up in politics because it exacerbates my anxiety issues. I know a lot of very intelligent and kind people, but never quite feel like I'm on the same wavelength.
So, I'm in a lonely place sometimes, but who isn't, I guess? What's my solution? I'm forcing myself to step outside of my comfort zone. OVER AND OVER.
For a year and a half, I've been volunteering for a couple of causes that I hold dear. It took me two years prior to that to build up the confidence to do so. In doing so, I've met a lot of sweet people, but somehow never connect beyond that weekly small-talk.
In becoming more physically active and starting this blog, I've discovered a beautiful community of supportive and caring people. Still, sometimes I just feel so... different... so... removed.
I need to keep at this; volunteering, taking classes, going to various events, putting myself out there amongst people. I need to continue to relearn what it means to be a good friend, a skill that I lost during a decade of emotional angst and fear. I need to learn patience with the organic nature of friendships. I hope to someday again know the feeling of having a best friend who also holds me in the same regard.
Please be patient with me, world, and I will offer you the same.
Years ago, I struggled to know who I was. I was focussed mostly on being what other people wanted. My life has changed dramatically since then and now I'm spreading my wings. Part of this entails forming new relationships of all types. This has never really been my strong suit. I'm an introvert. I'm shy. I'm very cautious around new people until I feel that I can let loose, and most troubling of all, I so often feel like I can't relate.
Being an unmarried, childless, newly solo renter, immediately puts me in a different category than most of my 30-something peers. In addition, my hobbies and interests sometimes feel like they are, not only a little strange, but generally not very condusive to forming close friendships. I'm a little bit geeky, but not geeky enough to talk shop. I don't keep up with any of the popular television series. I don't have cable and every time I sit down to a flick, I feel like I'm wasting time. I'm sort of crafty, but the crafty world always feels mostly like a place of solitude while diligently working on the project of the moment. My physical hobbies, biking and running, are most comfortably done solo. I hate the idea of not being able to keep up with those around me, like I'm too out of shape to go at any pace but my own. I love to garden and cook, but am not well-outfitted for either at this phase of my life and both are generally done alone anyway.
Worst of all, I have a difficult time carrying on a conversation. I am not an opinionated person. I live by a "to each their own unless someone is getting hurt" policy. I don't really care much about what is going on in the pop culture world. I try to avoid getting too wrangled up in politics because it exacerbates my anxiety issues. I know a lot of very intelligent and kind people, but never quite feel like I'm on the same wavelength.
So, I'm in a lonely place sometimes, but who isn't, I guess? What's my solution? I'm forcing myself to step outside of my comfort zone. OVER AND OVER.
For a year and a half, I've been volunteering for a couple of causes that I hold dear. It took me two years prior to that to build up the confidence to do so. In doing so, I've met a lot of sweet people, but somehow never connect beyond that weekly small-talk.
In becoming more physically active and starting this blog, I've discovered a beautiful community of supportive and caring people. Still, sometimes I just feel so... different... so... removed.
I need to keep at this; volunteering, taking classes, going to various events, putting myself out there amongst people. I need to continue to relearn what it means to be a good friend, a skill that I lost during a decade of emotional angst and fear. I need to learn patience with the organic nature of friendships. I hope to someday again know the feeling of having a best friend who also holds me in the same regard.
Please be patient with me, world, and I will offer you the same.
Saturday, July 02, 2011
Redemption
I was very disappointed in myself on Wednesday, C25K w7d2, which entailed a 25 minute run. I had done 25 minute runs last Friday and this Monday without too much trouble. I was able to talk myself through the walls around 10 minutes and push myself through the last 5 minutes relatively easily.
Wednesday was different. I started feeling myself hitting a wall around 8 or 9 minutes, then another around 15, then looked at my time in desparation around 18, hoping that I was almost done. I was having a mental argument with myself over whether or not I should give up and start walking. The previous two runs had gone so well but today my legs felt like lead. I finally pulled the plug, and slowed to a walk around 19 minutes, a mere 6 minutes from the end. I felt an instant sense of failure. Granted, it was a toasty 84 degrees when I laced up my shoes, and the humidity was pretty high, too. Still... it was frustrating.
I fight with frustration over my own failures occasionally. Who doesn't? I know, from the outside, this might not seem like a huge deal. Just redo day 2 and move on, right? It still represents, to me, a failure of mind over matter, which has been a driving force for me during much of this training. I count on my brain one-upping my body! I need it to be able to keep pushing me through the hilly areas or the sluggish feelings. If I don't have that, what DO I have to keep me going on this journey?
The end of the work week was HOT - 95-100 degrees hot - and so I decided to delay d3 until this morning. I woke up naturally around 6:30am. My body clock is pretty reliable. I laid in bed for a while, trying to convince myself to try to sleep in on this beautiful weekend morning, without success. After a pbj to calm my waking stomach, I strapped on my shoes, popped in the ear buds, and hit the sidewalk. As expected, I was nervous. I couldn't get Wednesday's run out of my mind. But this morning was different. 70 degrees, sunny, breezy, and full of the promise of a long summer holiday weekend.
During the first part of the run, I had to consciously slow myself down several times, knowing I had a ways to go. Then that heavy feeling in my legs started to set in around 14 minutes. "Oh no! I'm not going to make it," was my first thought and then, "I HAVE to make it," my second. I'm anxiously awaiting the next week's C25K podcast to get away from a song in this week's that honestly kind of creeps me out. Reason enough to finish, right?!
I made a shortcut in my route, apparently subconsciously thinking that if I made it to my usual stopping point earlier, that the time would go faster. ;) I began to pull out every trick in my book, breathing exercises, mantras, turning only down the downhill/shady streets, thinking about ice cream... and then finally, that beloved voice telling me I had one minute left! That last minute is always painful, but somehow not. Knowing the end is in sight makes it conquerable.
At the end of that 25 minutes. I bent over for a moment to catch my breath and nearly passed out. I decided I'd better just keep walking. The sense of accomplishment started to wash away the exhaustion and give me tingles. Once at home, I sat down to relax for a moment, and commemorated my victory with the neighbor girl's sidewalk chalk.
I hope you are also able to conquer whatever obstacles you encounter this week!
Wednesday was different. I started feeling myself hitting a wall around 8 or 9 minutes, then another around 15, then looked at my time in desparation around 18, hoping that I was almost done. I was having a mental argument with myself over whether or not I should give up and start walking. The previous two runs had gone so well but today my legs felt like lead. I finally pulled the plug, and slowed to a walk around 19 minutes, a mere 6 minutes from the end. I felt an instant sense of failure. Granted, it was a toasty 84 degrees when I laced up my shoes, and the humidity was pretty high, too. Still... it was frustrating.
I fight with frustration over my own failures occasionally. Who doesn't? I know, from the outside, this might not seem like a huge deal. Just redo day 2 and move on, right? It still represents, to me, a failure of mind over matter, which has been a driving force for me during much of this training. I count on my brain one-upping my body! I need it to be able to keep pushing me through the hilly areas or the sluggish feelings. If I don't have that, what DO I have to keep me going on this journey?
The end of the work week was HOT - 95-100 degrees hot - and so I decided to delay d3 until this morning. I woke up naturally around 6:30am. My body clock is pretty reliable. I laid in bed for a while, trying to convince myself to try to sleep in on this beautiful weekend morning, without success. After a pbj to calm my waking stomach, I strapped on my shoes, popped in the ear buds, and hit the sidewalk. As expected, I was nervous. I couldn't get Wednesday's run out of my mind. But this morning was different. 70 degrees, sunny, breezy, and full of the promise of a long summer holiday weekend.
During the first part of the run, I had to consciously slow myself down several times, knowing I had a ways to go. Then that heavy feeling in my legs started to set in around 14 minutes. "Oh no! I'm not going to make it," was my first thought and then, "I HAVE to make it," my second. I'm anxiously awaiting the next week's C25K podcast to get away from a song in this week's that honestly kind of creeps me out. Reason enough to finish, right?!
I made a shortcut in my route, apparently subconsciously thinking that if I made it to my usual stopping point earlier, that the time would go faster. ;) I began to pull out every trick in my book, breathing exercises, mantras, turning only down the downhill/shady streets, thinking about ice cream... and then finally, that beloved voice telling me I had one minute left! That last minute is always painful, but somehow not. Knowing the end is in sight makes it conquerable.
At the end of that 25 minutes. I bent over for a moment to catch my breath and nearly passed out. I decided I'd better just keep walking. The sense of accomplishment started to wash away the exhaustion and give me tingles. Once at home, I sat down to relax for a moment, and commemorated my victory with the neighbor girl's sidewalk chalk.
 |
| From Still chasing skies... |
I hope you are also able to conquer whatever obstacles you encounter this week!
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Home sweet home
I moved to Minneapolis in February and it has already become HOME. I've lived in the suburbs for 12+ years, driving up into Minneapolis proper at least weekly for events, restaurants, museums and shows. I've always loved the lakes area and Uptown, downtown and Nordeast. Only this year did I finally make the move to my first solo apartment and into one of my favorite Minneapolis neighborhoods.
It didn't take long for it to feel like I belong here. I noticed within days of moving in that one of my neighbors lets her cats run the building. It's fun to come up the steps to see a kitty in the stairwell window. They're friendly and they make me smile. A day or so after that, while walking to my car, I discovered the sweater on the nearby tree. I'm a crafty person when the mood strikes me and always appreciate rogue artworks.
(picture of tree sweater to be added when Blogger decided it wants to cooperate)
As spring arrived, and warmer temperatures started to bring us all out of the woodwork, I started exploring the neighborhood a bit more. The gorgeous tree-lined streets almost feel magical. The diversity of the area, in race and culture, in financial class, in age and stage of life, feels so incredible. Growing up in a mostly middle-class, caucasian town, I found myself craving the rainbow of the city. Looking back, I remember being so excited every time my family would come into the "big city" for a day trip. Now I understand why. The energy of the city is my lifeblood.
The best part of my new neighborhood? It's conducive to exercise! I'm an outdoorsy girl. I hate to waste the short months of Minnesota summer holed up in an air conditioned building. Being so close to the lakes, I am regularly motivated to bike or walk around them. The beautiful tree-canopied streets, each one lined with very different houses from an era gone-by, make me WANT to explore them, be it on foot or on bike. I look forward to my runs when I am able to take in the greenery and flowers in the well-loved yards. I can run in one direction and stick to relatively flat streets or meander in the other direction to hillier streets and a very different experience. I'm a short bike ride from many amazing stores and restaurants. I'm close to the Midtown Greenway, an amazing bike route that cuts across the city. When I do finally give in to Mother Nature and buy a gym membership (October?), I have easy access to many of the major clubs and a ton of smaller ones. In short, I love it here. It's a perfect for me and is doing wonderful things for my health. :o)
What's your favorite outdoor place to exercise?
It didn't take long for it to feel like I belong here. I noticed within days of moving in that one of my neighbors lets her cats run the building. It's fun to come up the steps to see a kitty in the stairwell window. They're friendly and they make me smile. A day or so after that, while walking to my car, I discovered the sweater on the nearby tree. I'm a crafty person when the mood strikes me and always appreciate rogue artworks.
(picture of tree sweater to be added when Blogger decided it wants to cooperate)
As spring arrived, and warmer temperatures started to bring us all out of the woodwork, I started exploring the neighborhood a bit more. The gorgeous tree-lined streets almost feel magical. The diversity of the area, in race and culture, in financial class, in age and stage of life, feels so incredible. Growing up in a mostly middle-class, caucasian town, I found myself craving the rainbow of the city. Looking back, I remember being so excited every time my family would come into the "big city" for a day trip. Now I understand why. The energy of the city is my lifeblood.
The best part of my new neighborhood? It's conducive to exercise! I'm an outdoorsy girl. I hate to waste the short months of Minnesota summer holed up in an air conditioned building. Being so close to the lakes, I am regularly motivated to bike or walk around them. The beautiful tree-canopied streets, each one lined with very different houses from an era gone-by, make me WANT to explore them, be it on foot or on bike. I look forward to my runs when I am able to take in the greenery and flowers in the well-loved yards. I can run in one direction and stick to relatively flat streets or meander in the other direction to hillier streets and a very different experience. I'm a short bike ride from many amazing stores and restaurants. I'm close to the Midtown Greenway, an amazing bike route that cuts across the city. When I do finally give in to Mother Nature and buy a gym membership (October?), I have easy access to many of the major clubs and a ton of smaller ones. In short, I love it here. It's a perfect for me and is doing wonderful things for my health. :o)
What's your favorite outdoor place to exercise?
Thursday, June 23, 2011
C25K: A Love Story
(The days and weeks slip by so quickly in the summer, and everything - including online life - goes to the wayside. I haven't forgotten about this blog. I've just been busy living. :o)
I was the girl that walked half of the mile in gym class. I was the girl who avoided most anything to do with running for 30+ years of her life. Then I found Couch to 5K.
C25K: a love story
Couch to 5K has been so good to me. I started the program in early May. I did week one, which was a series of one minute runs, alternating with 30 second walks. Easy peasy. I felt really good about it. Week two was equally good as far as my cardio ramping up. I could feel myself get stronger by the day and was finally experiencing the "runner's high" that I had often heard about.
Then, in the midst of week three, I started to feel a burning in both of my shins. I've had shin splints before, but this felt different. I started to do some research, being the semi-nerd and information hound that I am. I learned that this pain might be caused by my calf muscles growing and the fibers beginning to pull away from my shin bones. How EW is that?! The good news is that this pain subsides in time as those fibers re-form and reconnect. Treatment was simply to keep at it, with rest days of course, icing and elevating after runs. I also found that wrapping my calves with ACE bandages during runs helped immensely with the discomfort as well.
So here I was, week three, in some mild pain, but still feeling the uber-motivation that got me started on this ride to begin with. The run/walk intervals were starting to get longer and I was starting to feel it. I've never felt very fit cardiovascularily (is that a word?) and now I was feeling like a dang slug. Early in w3, I had realized that if I kept on schedule with the nine-week program, that I would graduate the Friday before my birthday. What a gift to myself that would be! And so, it was frustrating to be unable to keep up with the 3 minute run intervals and realize that I may have to repeat w3. I hemmed and hawed over it, stewed over it, and then got over it. I repeated w3 and was super glad that I did. I finished with flying colors.
(I ran the w4 intervals for two weeks as well before moving on to w5, running with wrapped legs. I iced and elevated upon returning home while fortifying my soul with old LOST episodes. During this time my calf/shin pain had all but disappeared completely.)
Last week, When I learned what the intervals for w5 were like, I nearly had a panic attack (not really). It starts with reasonably easy alternating sets of 5 minute runs and 3 minute walks, but then ramps up FAST. Day three had in store for me ONE LONG 20 MINUTE RUN. *gulp*
By Friday (my d3), I had myself pretty nervous about that run and was pretty convinced that I'd be unable to finish it. Wouldn't ya know it, I rocked it! I had run for TWENTY FREAKING MINUTES! Week 5, check! Runner's high, check!
Now I'm on w6. D1 was... okay. My mood has been sluggish, probably due to the rainy, dreary weather, and this translated heavily to my run. In addition, after two GLORIOUS pain-free weeks, while doing my cool-down walk, my right leg twinged in pain and my face probably showed it as well. Granted, I had been hitting some hills, which I'm coming to learn, are much harder on one's legs than flat terrain. Okay, lesson learned. The rest of the week will be spent running the slightly less gorgeous, but flatter streets to my north. Can the solution be that simple? Let's hope so.
What makes this a love story? Remember at that priorfatgirl meeting when I said to the group that, "I'm not a runner"...? Well now I can say, without hesitation, that I am undoubtedly a runner. I am not yet fast or accomplished, but most days I look forward with glee to my next run. I am excited by the changes that it is making in me, both physically and mentally. I do believe that this makes me A RUNNER. C25K, I love you.
Are you now, or have you ever used the Couch to 5K program? If so, what was your experience like?
Update: I ran d2 last night in the rain and it was great. No pain. whew!
I was the girl that walked half of the mile in gym class. I was the girl who avoided most anything to do with running for 30+ years of her life. Then I found Couch to 5K.
C25K: a love storyCouch to 5K has been so good to me. I started the program in early May. I did week one, which was a series of one minute runs, alternating with 30 second walks. Easy peasy. I felt really good about it. Week two was equally good as far as my cardio ramping up. I could feel myself get stronger by the day and was finally experiencing the "runner's high" that I had often heard about.
Then, in the midst of week three, I started to feel a burning in both of my shins. I've had shin splints before, but this felt different. I started to do some research, being the semi-nerd and information hound that I am. I learned that this pain might be caused by my calf muscles growing and the fibers beginning to pull away from my shin bones. How EW is that?! The good news is that this pain subsides in time as those fibers re-form and reconnect. Treatment was simply to keep at it, with rest days of course, icing and elevating after runs. I also found that wrapping my calves with ACE bandages during runs helped immensely with the discomfort as well.
So here I was, week three, in some mild pain, but still feeling the uber-motivation that got me started on this ride to begin with. The run/walk intervals were starting to get longer and I was starting to feel it. I've never felt very fit cardiovascularily (is that a word?) and now I was feeling like a dang slug. Early in w3, I had realized that if I kept on schedule with the nine-week program, that I would graduate the Friday before my birthday. What a gift to myself that would be! And so, it was frustrating to be unable to keep up with the 3 minute run intervals and realize that I may have to repeat w3. I hemmed and hawed over it, stewed over it, and then got over it. I repeated w3 and was super glad that I did. I finished with flying colors.
(I ran the w4 intervals for two weeks as well before moving on to w5, running with wrapped legs. I iced and elevated upon returning home while fortifying my soul with old LOST episodes. During this time my calf/shin pain had all but disappeared completely.)
Last week, When I learned what the intervals for w5 were like, I nearly had a panic attack (not really). It starts with reasonably easy alternating sets of 5 minute runs and 3 minute walks, but then ramps up FAST. Day three had in store for me ONE LONG 20 MINUTE RUN. *gulp*
By Friday (my d3), I had myself pretty nervous about that run and was pretty convinced that I'd be unable to finish it. Wouldn't ya know it, I rocked it! I had run for TWENTY FREAKING MINUTES! Week 5, check! Runner's high, check!
Now I'm on w6. D1 was... okay. My mood has been sluggish, probably due to the rainy, dreary weather, and this translated heavily to my run. In addition, after two GLORIOUS pain-free weeks, while doing my cool-down walk, my right leg twinged in pain and my face probably showed it as well. Granted, I had been hitting some hills, which I'm coming to learn, are much harder on one's legs than flat terrain. Okay, lesson learned. The rest of the week will be spent running the slightly less gorgeous, but flatter streets to my north. Can the solution be that simple? Let's hope so.
What makes this a love story? Remember at that priorfatgirl meeting when I said to the group that, "I'm not a runner"...? Well now I can say, without hesitation, that I am undoubtedly a runner. I am not yet fast or accomplished, but most days I look forward with glee to my next run. I am excited by the changes that it is making in me, both physically and mentally. I do believe that this makes me A RUNNER. C25K, I love you.
Are you now, or have you ever used the Couch to 5K program? If so, what was your experience like?
Update: I ran d2 last night in the rain and it was great. No pain. whew!
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Baby, it's hot outside.
It's 102F in my city right now. Thankfully, the humidity is low, but it's still uncomfortable. I'm definitely a 60-70 degree gal.
I ran my first day of C25K for the week on Sunday night, a day early, because of the Heat Advisories for Mon-Weds. It's only two days later and I'm already getting antsy for activity. Unfortunately, most of my options involve being out in the heat as I don't have a gym membership. I'm considering cracking up my bedroom window AC and doing some yoga, but I have a feeling that alone won't get it out of my system.
What do you do for physical activity when it's too hot to think?
I ran my first day of C25K for the week on Sunday night, a day early, because of the Heat Advisories for Mon-Weds. It's only two days later and I'm already getting antsy for activity. Unfortunately, most of my options involve being out in the heat as I don't have a gym membership. I'm considering cracking up my bedroom window AC and doing some yoga, but I have a feeling that alone won't get it out of my system.
What do you do for physical activity when it's too hot to think?
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.0
Monday, June 06, 2011
Why am I here? (Act three)
Over the course of a few weeks, I found myself engaged in what these amazing people were up to and starting to consider that running might just be an option for me. (huh???) I had heard many mentions of a program called Couch to 5k and was curious about it. It seemed to work for many of my peers. I was working on something called 30 Days of Biking at the time, and so decided that, at the end of the month of April, I would buy some running shoes and give Couch to 5k (c25k) a try.
30 Days of Biking started to fizzle out for me around mid-April as the weather was uncooperative and I was just getting too busy as summer approached. I started to read up on c25k, running shoes and equipment, and started to get engrossed in a few healthy living blogs.
As my relationship with the #priorfatpack started to grow via Twitter, I began reading about their lives and journeys on their blogs. I was starting to get pumped up! If these, seemingly very normal, people could do this, why couldn't I? I bought running shoes and started c25k on May 2nd. (DUN DUN DUN!) More on this later.
One of the #priorfatpack gals, Misty, asked if I had a blog that she could follow. Actually, several people had asked if I had a blog and I had to say no. Misty started quietly urging me to start writing. I thought back to when I was really involved in the livejournal community many years ago and how much I had enjoyed that. Okay, I was in, easy as that. So here I am.
Please excuse my messes while I get settled in.
30 Days of Biking started to fizzle out for me around mid-April as the weather was uncooperative and I was just getting too busy as summer approached. I started to read up on c25k, running shoes and equipment, and started to get engrossed in a few healthy living blogs.
As my relationship with the #priorfatpack started to grow via Twitter, I began reading about their lives and journeys on their blogs. I was starting to get pumped up! If these, seemingly very normal, people could do this, why couldn't I? I bought running shoes and started c25k on May 2nd. (DUN DUN DUN!) More on this later.
One of the #priorfatpack gals, Misty, asked if I had a blog that she could follow. Actually, several people had asked if I had a blog and I had to say no. Misty started quietly urging me to start writing. I thought back to when I was really involved in the livejournal community many years ago and how much I had enjoyed that. Okay, I was in, easy as that. So here I am.
Please excuse my messes while I get settled in.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.7.0
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Why am I here? (Act two)
So, the day of the gathering at the coffee house, I was really nervous. I'm not good in situations with a lot of people, especially when I don't know the majority of them. Yet, shortly after these ladies started sharing their stories, I began to feel comfortable. They had such amazing attitudes and welcoming smiles. I noticed myself speaking up here and there, when I would normally be hiding in a corner.
When it came time to introduce myself, I still hated the feeling of 20-some pairs of eyes on me, but I knew that they were not judging me, but were listening to what I had to say. I explained that I've come from a place of post-relationship anxiety and depression and a lot of emotional eating. I told them that I had worked hard to lose weight and turned around to gain most of it right back again. I was ashamed, but knew I was amongst friends.
Across the room, a gal with an outgoing and passionate personality (based on what I saw during those couple of hours), mentioned a group of Twitter friends who were using the hashtag #priorfatpack to communicate about an upcoming 5K that they were running. It would be the first for most of them. I shrugged it off at first because, as I had described myself, I was not a runner. It still stuck in the back of my mind as she mentioned it another time before we parted ways.
My curiosity got the better of me and, after I made my way home, I looked up #priorfatpack on Twitter. I think it took me a day or two to join the conversation, but then something came over me. I started cheering on these women (and one man), most of whom I had only met once.
(to be continued in Act three)
When it came time to introduce myself, I still hated the feeling of 20-some pairs of eyes on me, but I knew that they were not judging me, but were listening to what I had to say. I explained that I've come from a place of post-relationship anxiety and depression and a lot of emotional eating. I told them that I had worked hard to lose weight and turned around to gain most of it right back again. I was ashamed, but knew I was amongst friends.
Across the room, a gal with an outgoing and passionate personality (based on what I saw during those couple of hours), mentioned a group of Twitter friends who were using the hashtag #priorfatpack to communicate about an upcoming 5K that they were running. It would be the first for most of them. I shrugged it off at first because, as I had described myself, I was not a runner. It still stuck in the back of my mind as she mentioned it another time before we parted ways.
My curiosity got the better of me and, after I made my way home, I looked up #priorfatpack on Twitter. I think it took me a day or two to join the conversation, but then something came over me. I started cheering on these women (and one man), most of whom I had only met once.
(to be continued in Act three)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Why am I here? (Act one)
What brought me back to blog land? I blame my friends Meredith and Misty. Nearly two months ago, Meredith invited me out to a coffee meeting with Jen from priorfatgirl.com and several of her friends that are on weight loss journeys along with her.
Allow me to step back in time a bit. I've been overweight for much of my adult life. Not huge, but definitely not healthy and not where I want to be. (How I got there is an entire post in itself, so I'll save that for later.) This weight issue has been on my mind daily for over a decade, to which I'm sure anyone who has carried around any extra poundage in our society can relate. It's in your face daily when you get up and look in the mirror to brush your teeth. It's in your face on billboards and magazine pages and tv shows; the images of what we should look like. It's hard to ignore.
In early 2008, a friend at work mentioned to me that some others were doing a weight loss pool. We would each throw in 10 bucks, have an initial weigh-in, a mid-point weigh in, and a final weigh-in after a few months. The person that had lost the highest percentage of their weight (to keep it a fair contest) would win the moola. I thought, 'what the heck,' and threw in my cash. I was at a point where I was completely sick of myself in many ways (not just my weight), and this was a step in the right direction.
The guy I was dating at the time had a tendency to get very caught up in ideas and run with them, usually dragging me right along with, for better or for worse. He jumped on the weight-loss bandwagon right along with me, which was awesome. We started to eat healthy(er), be more active, and focus on the goal of winning me that cash! Skip forward four months. I kicked some ass. I lost 30ish pounds in that time. I felt awesome. I won the contest. I was proud of myself for the first time in a long time. The best part was that people at work were noticing and commenting on nearly a daily basis.
Then my world caved in on me. I'll save you the gory details, but let's just say it involved a breakup of a very long relationship (think 9 years), and what felt like the collapse of my entire being. I continued to lose weight, but not in a healthy way. I simply did not feel like eating. I would have an apple and some crackers for the entire day. I went on like this for a couple of weeks, lost another 10 pounds, and felt horrible (mentally and physically). Then I started enjoying too many nights out, too many beers, too many snacks. I ate to deal with my pain and packed back on a few pounds here and there.
Fast forward another 8 or 9 months. I went on my first date with my guy. It was blissful. Well, as blissful as it could be considering we were and are both in major states of flux in our lives. So we ate. We ate because it was something we had in common - a big love of cooking and a huge love of eating. We ate because we were celebrating our new found joy in sharing time together. All of this celebrating started to add up and we began to pack on the pounds.
Now, I won't speak for him, but let's just say that I gained back almost all of the weight that I had worked so hard to lose a year or so prior. I got mad at myself. I kicked myself in the butt every time I got dressed in the morning and felt my pants a little tighter. I mumbled hating words to myself as I ripped a hole in my jeans simply by getting into the high seat of my guy's truck (they had grown too tight). I cursed myself every time I had to buy new clothes in a larger size. Just a year and a half prior, I had donated all sorts of clothes in those sizes when I had LOST the weight. Now here I was gaining it all back again?!
So, early April, Meredith invited me to the coffee group. I went, semi-reluctantly, semi-excitedly. I'm shy until I am sure that I can let loose around people. But I went, and I'm so grateful that I did. There were twenty or so amazing women, of all ages, sitting around a large circle of tables. I was nervous at first, but soon go into the positive energy that was radiating off of every single one of those women. It was obvious that they were there with love in their hearts. No one was judging anyone. They were supportive and inspiring. I was hooked.
(to be continued...)
Allow me to step back in time a bit. I've been overweight for much of my adult life. Not huge, but definitely not healthy and not where I want to be. (How I got there is an entire post in itself, so I'll save that for later.) This weight issue has been on my mind daily for over a decade, to which I'm sure anyone who has carried around any extra poundage in our society can relate. It's in your face daily when you get up and look in the mirror to brush your teeth. It's in your face on billboards and magazine pages and tv shows; the images of what we should look like. It's hard to ignore.
In early 2008, a friend at work mentioned to me that some others were doing a weight loss pool. We would each throw in 10 bucks, have an initial weigh-in, a mid-point weigh in, and a final weigh-in after a few months. The person that had lost the highest percentage of their weight (to keep it a fair contest) would win the moola. I thought, 'what the heck,' and threw in my cash. I was at a point where I was completely sick of myself in many ways (not just my weight), and this was a step in the right direction.
The guy I was dating at the time had a tendency to get very caught up in ideas and run with them, usually dragging me right along with, for better or for worse. He jumped on the weight-loss bandwagon right along with me, which was awesome. We started to eat healthy(er), be more active, and focus on the goal of winning me that cash! Skip forward four months. I kicked some ass. I lost 30ish pounds in that time. I felt awesome. I won the contest. I was proud of myself for the first time in a long time. The best part was that people at work were noticing and commenting on nearly a daily basis.
Then my world caved in on me. I'll save you the gory details, but let's just say it involved a breakup of a very long relationship (think 9 years), and what felt like the collapse of my entire being. I continued to lose weight, but not in a healthy way. I simply did not feel like eating. I would have an apple and some crackers for the entire day. I went on like this for a couple of weeks, lost another 10 pounds, and felt horrible (mentally and physically). Then I started enjoying too many nights out, too many beers, too many snacks. I ate to deal with my pain and packed back on a few pounds here and there.
Fast forward another 8 or 9 months. I went on my first date with my guy. It was blissful. Well, as blissful as it could be considering we were and are both in major states of flux in our lives. So we ate. We ate because it was something we had in common - a big love of cooking and a huge love of eating. We ate because we were celebrating our new found joy in sharing time together. All of this celebrating started to add up and we began to pack on the pounds.
Now, I won't speak for him, but let's just say that I gained back almost all of the weight that I had worked so hard to lose a year or so prior. I got mad at myself. I kicked myself in the butt every time I got dressed in the morning and felt my pants a little tighter. I mumbled hating words to myself as I ripped a hole in my jeans simply by getting into the high seat of my guy's truck (they had grown too tight). I cursed myself every time I had to buy new clothes in a larger size. Just a year and a half prior, I had donated all sorts of clothes in those sizes when I had LOST the weight. Now here I was gaining it all back again?!
So, early April, Meredith invited me to the coffee group. I went, semi-reluctantly, semi-excitedly. I'm shy until I am sure that I can let loose around people. But I went, and I'm so grateful that I did. There were twenty or so amazing women, of all ages, sitting around a large circle of tables. I was nervous at first, but soon go into the positive energy that was radiating off of every single one of those women. It was obvious that they were there with love in their hearts. No one was judging anyone. They were supportive and inspiring. I was hooked.
(to be continued...)
Friday, May 27, 2011
Years. It's been years since I shared pieces of my live on the internet via anything more formal than facebook. I sat down to start up a new blog and ran into this old one that was sitting on Blogger collecting dust. Feel free to read back if you wish - there's not a lot here - just some silliness. Back in the day, my livejournal held a little bit more of my life, but it's been long since collecting dust as well.
It's time to start anew. Well, not entirely anew. I'm going to continue on the same old blog because I am not necessarily an entirely new person. I have gone through some huge changes in recent years, but the current me is still very much built on the foundation of the old me, cracks and all.
I'm excited to delve into the blog world again. There is such a huge network of amazing people out there, just waiting to be interacted with. And with that, I say welcome, take off your shoes and stay awhile. May I make you a cup of tea?
It's time to start anew. Well, not entirely anew. I'm going to continue on the same old blog because I am not necessarily an entirely new person. I have gone through some huge changes in recent years, but the current me is still very much built on the foundation of the old me, cracks and all.
I'm excited to delve into the blog world again. There is such a huge network of amazing people out there, just waiting to be interacted with. And with that, I say welcome, take off your shoes and stay awhile. May I make you a cup of tea?
Tuesday, April 13, 2004
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Friday, January 02, 2004
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Finally, an offical answer to the age-old question: "soda, coke, or pop?"
(borrowed from booboolina.com
(borrowed from booboolina.com
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Here's a really cute use for those old jeans you've got lying around. Ya know, the ones that don't fit anymore? Or the ones that got mangled in the washing machine (our washer eats denim, num num) or that you loved so dearly they look like swiss cheese...
Amazon now has a feature allowing one to search for a book by any set of words within the text. Imagine the data entry staff this endeavor required!
Friday, August 22, 2003
Friday Five
1. When was the last time you laughed?
at dinner with my boy and a roomie, discussing the upcoming weekend
2. Who was the last person you had an argument with?
Matt, thankfully a while ago
3. Who was the last person you emailed?
a gal that I met on Livejournal who's going to send me some really neat socks she found
4. When was the last time you bathed?
a couple of hours ago, long hair's STILL wet
5. What was the last thing you ate?
hardshell tacos
1. When was the last time you laughed?
at dinner with my boy and a roomie, discussing the upcoming weekend
2. Who was the last person you had an argument with?
Matt, thankfully a while ago
3. Who was the last person you emailed?
a gal that I met on Livejournal who's going to send me some really neat socks she found
4. When was the last time you bathed?
a couple of hours ago, long hair's STILL wet
5. What was the last thing you ate?
hardshell tacos
Monday, August 18, 2003
Mr. Little Guy. I think this is so wonderful. I might have to go wander Lake Harriet sometime and leave a note.
Sunday, August 17, 2003
A friend of mine got a little write up in USA Today about his participation in a Flash Mob.
I love this post blaming the recent East coast "power outtage" on a flash mob.
This trend is seems to be storming the country. It's fascinating and I love it! Someone email me directions for the next one. :o)
I love this post blaming the recent East coast "power outtage" on a flash mob.
This trend is seems to be storming the country. It's fascinating and I love it! Someone email me directions for the next one. :o)
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