Back in the Running Shoes

Fitness has been on the back burner for a while for me. Even though I spent a month or two doing some dedicated winter running, I was quickly sidetracked with planning for my June wedding (oh my gosh!). Yup, I finally found my perfect partner in crime and couldn't be happier. Joe and I met through mutual friends, and enjoyed a wonderful nine months of not-so-wonderful long-distance dating before he decided he needed to move back to the Twin Cities. Three months later, a week after our one year anniversary, on a cold and windy day, he proposed to me at Minnehaha Falls Park. My response was probably not typical - I'm not incredibly lady-like. I spent a short moment letting the question sink in then began jumping up and down saying "yes! yes!" I was giddy, to say the least. :)

So, flash to a week later. We've told our families and friends and have been asked a thousand times if we've set a date. That question made me cringe just a little. I wanted to let the feeling of being engaged sink in a bit and to just enjoy it. However, we soon learned that our date options were actually pretty limited, as Joe's sister's and brother-in-law's military obligations are sending them out of the country soon. Basically this meant that, if we wanted them to be there, we had to get married within the next four months, or wait until 2015. Easy choice! Neither one of us wanted to wait.

It was a whirlwind four months of planning, crafting, and making arrangements. It was very stressful at times and I was so thankful to have a loving fiancé supporting me through the emotional roller-coaster. If I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have made any other choice. That short planning period forced us to focus on what was most important to us and not get too caught up in the modern wedding industry.

We didn't really have a rain plan for our outdoor ceremony and picnic reception. If it did rain, my plan was to "dance in it." The fold-up umbrellas went unused because we were blessed with a gorgeous day, in the middle of a week of rain and clouds. In fact, the sun peeked out a little stronger just as we were beginning our vows. Somebody was smiling on us that day.

(Photo courtesy of the fantastic Sean Berry)

Now that I am starting to come down from the wedding festivities, I'm enjoying getting back to the day-to-day. Summer arrived late in Minnesota, but it's here in full force now and along with the warmer temperatures comes a new motivation to be active. I want to enjoy these few fine months to their fullest. (nice alliteration, eh?) Not to mention, I need to fit into an already-purchased bridesmaid gown in a few months. How's that for a kick in the pants? ;)

Here's what I've been up to, health and fitness-wise:

One of my favorite perks of running
is enjoying nature.

• annual checkups with the doctor, optometrist, and dentist - I've had a tendency to put these off indefinitely in the past. Not anymore!
• I've resumed tracking my eating habits. I'm using My Fitness Pal again because it worked for me before.
• I'm running again. I was running on and off during the wedding planning, but not with any regularity. This week, I've resumed a past habit of running three times a week. It's just enough to be doable, but not overwhelming. I'm starting off slow and for relatively short distances of a couple of miles, but it's a heck of a lot more than sitting on a couch.
• I've joined a DietBet for the month of July. DietBet is a neat concept. The games are set up by anyone that has a login. Users can buy into the bet for the preset price, usually somewhere between $10-50. They submit proof of their weight via a couple of quick photos on the scale, then are challenged to lose 4% of their weight in 4 weeks. During that time, they share supportive messages via the game's page. Those that make it to the goal will split the pot. It's a win-win. Fiscal and community motivation!
• I'm focusing on making small better choices every single day; one scoop of ice cream instead of two, walking up the stairs instead of taking the escalator, water instead of pop at the movie theater. These seemingly tiny choices add up in a big way over time.

This worked for me before. It will work again.

Hope

Some years ago, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression. It's not something I usually advertise, though it is probably obvious to some people because it is plays a role in every single day of my life.

Initially, I thought my anxiety had first reared its ugly head when I was in a rough patch of my mid-20s. After much contemplation, I realized it had been prevalent in my life since before high school, just without a name. Upon diagnosis, I was offered medication, which I accepted gladly. At that point, I was feeling absolutely crippled by fear. Thankfully, I have a wonderful doctor, who concerns herself with whole body and mind health. I was given suggested reading and encouraged to up my physical activity to work through my mental challenges.

My journey of healing while under the influence of medication has been an arduous process, but with many rewards. I'm slowly rediscovering what it means to grow healthy friendships. I found the strength to leave a job situation that was unhealthy for me and have begun working for a company with a vivid and friendly culture. I overcame my anxiousness to reach out and began volunteering in a field that makes me very happy. I've been on a fitness journey that has had ups and downs, but each cycle leaves me feeling stronger and more committed to reaching lifelong aspirations. All of this is adding up to a stronger and healthier mind.

My depression waned as I made changes in my life and started working towards my own goals rather than those of others. However, the anxiety will probably always play some small role in my life. I've been weaning off of medication over the last year or so, which is a huge step for me. For years it was my lifeline, and then I decided I wanted to learn to face the day without a chemical running through my system. I have learned mental and physical tools to work through the struggles, hopefully without popping a pill.

In the meantime, I am fighting through the symptoms of withdrawal. That word has such a terrible connotation to me - as if I were an addict - but there's no denying that my body and brain became accustomed to having that chemical support to keep things in order. Changes are bound to throw it out of whack. I've been experiencing vertigo and disrupted sleep, as well as more anxiety. For years, I haven't recalled dreaming heavily or anything that I dreamed about. Lately I have been waking up from very intense and mentally exhausting dreams. In some ways, I feel clearer, more hopeful, excited to take on the world. But my introversion is in full force this spring as I work through the changes (and whirlwind wedding planning). I pray that I am not pushing people away in the meantime.

It's been a while since I've been motivated to write here. Minnesota has been under the cloak of a very long winter. This week, the days became suddenly much brighter and the temperatures soared to glorious 70s. People have seemingly come back to life. They are in their yards soaking up the rays. I'm starting seeds in plans of having herbs to use in a month or two. The birds are returning, then windows are wide open, and the grass is slowly returning to beautiful greens. In a word, there is hope.